We talkin’ bout practice

I had to share this amazing music video by the incredible DJ Steve Porter. He spliced together a few of the most memorable press conference rants, applying AutoTune (T-Pain’s crutch) when necessary. Such as:

Allen Iverson: Not a game, not a game, not a game… we talkin’ ’bout practice.

Jim Mora: P-Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?!?!

Denny Green (former SDSU prof): The Bears are who we THOUGHT they were! And we let em off the hook!

Mike Gundy: I’m a man! I’m 40! Come after me!

Terrell Eldorado Owens: That’s my team. That’s my quarterback.

I love this video, but it reminded me of how much I hate press conferences. Then again, this is coming from a disgruntled print reporter.

Even ESPN has realized what a joke these things are. A few years ago, they had former

Would you want advice from the guy who traded away Jason Bay?
Would you want advice from the guy who traded away Jason Bay?

(failed) general manager Steve Phillips playing the role of each GM in the league as a mock press conference. One week, he’d be representing the Chicago Cubs, the next, the Anaheim Angels, the next the Pittsburgh Pirates, and so on.

The sad thing is, they had real journalists at these fake, made-for-TV press conferences. Buster Olney, one of the best baseball scribes around, was lobbing softball questions like he was in a beer league. And aside from “Yeah, we should probably try to get another bat for the stretch run,” Phillips didn’t offer much insight.

This doesn’t differ much from a real live press conference.

A normal press conference means a dozen or so scribes, maybe a TV camera or two, asking boring questions like, “How do you feel about your pitcher’s performance today?” or “Why did you call a run on that 3rd down in the 4th quarter?” I do this too, mainly because if I have a different, interesting angle (which I usually do), I don’t want to give any hint to a hee-haw with a TV station or a competing paper.

I’ll gather my graphs and quotes about the pitcher’s performance (if I’m talking to SDSU baseball head coach Tony Gwynn, I can just automatically assume that his guys “scrapped” or were “scrappers”) or write that the coach had confidence in his fullback to plow ahead for a first down, but I don’t really feel satisfied.

Everyone there has the same information. It doesn’t help the journalist and it doesn’t help the reader, which is really what this whole thing is about.

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